I want to stick a fork in my eye when people tell me they ‘love reading’ but just don’t have the time. Life is so bloody exciting with all this sitting at my desk and looking at the Facebook and the Twitter. I get it. Who has time for anything anymore?
I want to take you (firmly, but not unkindly) aside. Your brain is starving, I want to say.Your brain is like the carnivorous plant in the Little Shop of Horrors.
I know all that! I can hear you yelling from behind your smarty-pants handheld devices. I know it’s good for me but where do I find the TIME? Well, here are some lifestyle hacks that will up your reading consumption, which will in turn help me to keep my eyeballs intact.
I promise that I’m not going to become one of those authors who spam you constantly with news on their books BUT I just wanted to say an EXTRA LARGE THANK YOU for all the amazing messages and support. Oh, and I sold 56 copies of my newborn book in the first day! (25 to my mom! Ha!!) (Thanks Mom.)
ABOUT | Excellent writing advice delivered in an easily accessible, totally hilarious way.
WHAT I LOVED ABOUT IT | Funny! Oh, so funny. I was ROFLing all over the place. Also: great, up-to-the-minute practical advice.
WHAT I DIDN’T LOVE ABOUT IT | There were a couple of typos. A minor thing that if nothing else made him come across as more human and less like a velociraptor writerbot from the future that has come to eat us up like the happy skinbags of soylent green that we are.
WHO I’D RECOMMEND IT TO | Every single one of my writer friends. (Except those who don’t like naughty words. Wait … I don’t have any friends that don’t like naughty words).
FAVOURITE QUOTE | ‘Self publishing is a viable path. It is not, however, the easy path. […] You don’t just do a ballerina twirl and a book falls out of your vagina.’
Also: ‘So plan the plot, for Chrissakes. This isn’t an improvisational dance. Take some goddamn notes.’
ABOUT | In the publisher’s words: ‘An exquisite, dreamlike dispatch from a virtuoso storyteller’; In my words: Surreal short stories that are blackly funny, and that keep surprising you. Inventive and compelling.
WHAT I LOVED ABOUT IT | Everything. This is what Tom Spanbauer calls ‘dangerous writing.’ Also: the illustrations by Shelley Jackson.
WHAT I DIDN’T LOVE ABOUT IT | That it ended.
WHO I’D RECOMMEND IT TO | Anyone who enjoys their fiction a little left of centre.
FAVOURITE QUOTE | [From the story THE CANNON] “I once fornicated with a married woman inside the Sweet Mouth. She was agoraphobic. I said I was agnostic. I said, “Yes, like that […]” and she said, “How do you like this?” and “Watch your head,” and while we were fucking, her husband came up and lit a match, and then we were flying. We sailed out like a grappling shot. I held onto her hips and the tails of her hair and fucked her as we passed over the countryside, and she wrapped her legs around my waist and she fucked me back. When we were finished, we flew along side by side, and she remarked that she was grateful to me and the cannon and her husband. The affair had cured her of her agoraphobia. We fucked some more, to celebrate […]” (p.69)